It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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