I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize