it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
