Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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