That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
