I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
