I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Those nachos came to me in a dream
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
