garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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