So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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