Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
