Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
