I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
