when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
