the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize