fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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