i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
