His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
