I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
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