if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize