I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
