Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
