I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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