And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
