So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
