just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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