OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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