Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
