All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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