There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
