I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
