Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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