How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
