Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
