Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
