You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just found puke in my bra..
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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