Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
