I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize