she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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