look no pants
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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