Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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