if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
