Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
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