Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
