Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
