is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
