dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Randomize
