weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize