im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
