How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You may now shotgun with the bride
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
