a queef is a wish your heart makes.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
