do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
