Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
