Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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