new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
