My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
