I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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