My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
