I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
