her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
