And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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