thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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