I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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