i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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