I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize