in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i dont even know how to be here
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
