I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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