WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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