even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
