I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
