At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
