Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
what day is it and did you see me today?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
