I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize