The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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