I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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