dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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