im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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