We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
