kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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