I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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